Chef James overseeing his creation with his chef hat on.
Guests John and Ioannis dine with Chef James and Scott (behind camera). The guests gave the meal a 5 meteorites out of 5 rating on “Yelp! It’s Cold Out”.
Ingredients:
Small Pouch – Dehydrated Onions Half Bag – Frozen Carrots 2 Packs – Vacuum-Packed Frozen Minced Beef 1 Pack – Spaghetti 1 Can – Hunt’s Tomato Sauce (Expired March 2013) 1 Can – Red Gold Stewed Tomatoes (Expired Feb. 2016) Artery-blocking Quantity – White Cheddar Cheese Lots – Garlic Powder (Expired Oct. 2015) 2 Cubes – Beef Bouillon More than is Healthy – Butter Many Chunks – 100,000 year old ice carved from blue Antarctic ice by bearded men.
Instructions:
1. Obtain 100,000 year old ice – do not worry about the rock debris, micrometeorites, cosmic dust, and other stuff contained within the ice – it is part of a unique experience.
2. Melt the ice in a camping pot and bring water to a boil – there should be a nice residue in all pots and pans from yesterday’s through last week’s meals. Stir the rock granules around to distribute the flavour. Do not worry about the boots and gear drying above as the aroma will only enrich the experience.
3. Add a generous serving of butter to a frying pan atop a propane gas stove. Melt. Extra butter makes dishes easier to clean.
4. Hack open the bagged beef with a large knife Rambo-style. Brown up the meat, flipping with a purple rubber spatula.
5. Add the two cubes of beef bouillon. They’ll be frozen, just toss them in anyway. Place the individual wrappers in the trash bag of frozen “rubbish”.
6. Add a lot of the expired garlic powder. Mix. This will repel potential snow vampires.
7. Add two handfuls of dehydrated onion. Do not shed tears – we are men in Antarctica and crying is forbidden.
8. Add frozen carrots. Just because.
9. Add the can of expired stewed tomatoes – take surprise in the presence of peppers – and immediately add the expired can of tomato sauce.
10. Stir until satisfied and simmer for 45-60 minutes. Season with S&P.
11. Light the secondary burner by igniting a match on the primary burner. Place pot with 100,000 year old ice turned to water + granules on primary burner, return to boil. Add as much salt as would concern your physician.
12. Cut the white cheddar cheese with a steak knife to give it at grated look. It should be thawed first by hanging in the top of the tent near yesterday’s socks and boots. This will expedite the age of the cheese. Do not worry about pieces of cheese that fall onto the tent floor. Along with previous meals, the Antarctic Ice Mouse snacks on these and provides for its young.
13. Add the spaghetti noodles to the pot. They’re about 3x the diameter of the pot. Do not break them – nobody likes a short noodle.
14. Cook the noodles for double the time the package says. They were frozen and we are cooking at approximately 10,000′ effective altitude.
15. Add butter to the strained noodles. Season as desired.
16. Invite over the only other souls within 100 miles.
17. Devour from within a plastic mug and hold off using the poo tent as long as you can – especially since the 5 Gal pail is nearly full.
18. Pair with canned peaches in water for dessert (expired March 2013) for a bland finale in order to appreciate the flavours of the main course more.
19. For cleanup, wipe with a dry paper towel and place back in the wood box. That’s where the abundance of butter comes in. Dishes Antarctica-style gives a crasendo (sic) of flavours as the season goes on.
Posted by Scott from the Mt. Wisting La Tentia Scottia (Fine Dining and Cuisine Restaurant: The only place in Antarctica with the ambition of a Michelin Star) on 2017-12-19 at 21:00 (I’ll note, James came up with the restaurant name, I had it coming I suppose.)